Many people who seek therapy do so because they are experiencing relationship difficulties. For some individuals, unresolved attachment trauma may be contributing to those challenges. Attachment trauma can significantly affect an individual's ability to form and maintain healthy relationships. It can stem from early experiences of neglect, abuse, separation, or inconsistency in caregiving, leading to chronic feelings of insecurity, inadequacy, and fear of abandonment. Sometimes attachment trauma also occurs when there are ruptures in important peer relationships, such as when a child is severely bullied or rejected. This can lead to people struggling with feeling safe, secure, and connected in their relationships, even when things are going well. Understanding how attachment trauma develops and how psychotherapy can facilitate healing is helpful for anyone seeking to improve their relationships and emotional well-being.

Understanding Attachment Trauma

Attachment trauma can arise from disruptions in the relationship between a child and their primary caregiver during critical developmental periods. When caregivers are consistently unavailable (emotionally or physically), unresponsive, or abusive, children may develop insecure attachment patterns. These attachment patterns, including anxious, avoidant, and disorganized, can persist into adulthood, influencing adult attachment styles. These adult attachment tendencies affect how individuals relate to others and perceive themselves. In romantic relationships, some people who struggle with anxious attachment tendencies might feel highly worried and distressed during the early stages of dating when commitment and exclusivity have not been established, and be hypervigilant for signs that their partner has lost interest. They might engage in people-pleasing behaviour at their own expense out of fear that they might lose their partner. Other people who have higher attachment avoidance might feel uncomfortable and intruded upon when their partner wants to get more emotionally intimate, expresses vulnerability, or when there is greater expectation of relationship commitment.

The consequences of attachment trauma can be significant and impact relationship satisfaction. Individuals with attachment trauma may struggle with vulnerability, emotional and physical intimacy, and emotional regulation. They may experience intense fears of abandonment, difficulty forming or maintaining close relationships, and a pervasive sense of unworthiness. These challenges might lead to chronic anxiety, depression, and patterns of self-sabotaging behavior in relationships. People who experienced abuse or lack of protection as part of their attachment trauma may also have symptoms of PTSD or complex trauma.

How Therapy Can Help

I integrate various treatment approaches in order to support you in working through your attachment trauma, including Emotion Focused Therapy (EFT). EFT offers unique interventions to help individuals understand and heal from their traumatic experiences. Resolving attachment trauma can help people connect to others and have the close, fulfilling relationships they desire. When individuals are able to achieve secure attachment in adulthood despite earlier attachment trauma, this is referred to as “earned secure attachment”. Earned secure attachment reflects the human capacity to heal from relational wounds and establish healthy relationship patterns despite past adversity. One of the most effective ways to change unhelpful relational tendencies is to experience safe, secure relationships in the present.

Emotion Focused Therapy (EFT):

EFT is effective for addressing attachment trauma because it focuses on the underlying emotional experiences and unresolved hurts that contribute to relational difficulties. In EFT, I work collaboratively with you to explore past attachment injuries and the emotions associated with these experiences (often fear/insecurity or shame/inadequacy). This process helps clients understand how their attachment trauma developed, and how it influences their sense of self and current relationships.

EFT emphasizes creating a secure and supportive therapeutic relationship, providing a safe space for clients to express and process their emotions. Through this therapeutic relationship and other treatment processes, clients can develop a more secure way of relating, learn to regulate their emotions, and build healthier relational patterns. EFT also helps clients develop self-compassion, which is essential for healing attachment wounds.

The Transformative Power of Therapy

Psychotherapy can be a transformative experience for individuals struggling with attachment trauma. By addressing the painful emotions underlying attachment wounds, EFT supports emotional healing. Therapy can help individuals develop self-awareness, a deeper understanding of their emotional needs and how to meet them, and feelings of inner security.

With appropriate support, you can begin to challenge and change the unhelpful patterns that keep you stuck, and discover a more secure and fulfilling way of relating to yourself and others.

Reaching Out

For those seeking therapy services for attachment trauma or attachment insecurity, I offer individually tailored treatment integrating Emotion Focused Therapy (EFT) and other research-supported approaches. I work with clients in Toronto and across Ontario to address the root causes of attachment trauma and help individuals build healthier relationships within themselves and with others. Contact me to learn more about how therapy can help you work through attachment trauma and towards emotional well-being.